


I Remember Her Always

by AbbyDebeaupre



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Bairns, Book 4: Drums of Autumn, F/M, Forgiveness, Motherhood, missing moment, shameless exploration of the origins of pen name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 21:26:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15894441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbyDebeaupre/pseuds/AbbyDebeaupre
Summary: Fraser’s Ridge -Missing Moment Bree and Jamie.“Mama said you tried to kill Jack Randall in Paris in a duel. What did you think you’d get back?"Drums of Autumn Chapter 48





	I Remember Her Always

_ “Mama said you tried to kill Jack Randall in Paris in a duel. What did you think you’d get back?”  _

 

Jamie stared into his daughter’s searching eyes completely unprepared for the conversation, though perhaps he should have been. Usually, when he looked at Bree, he saw the imprint of his mother Ellen, sometimes the familiarity of one of Claire’s mannerisms. Yet, underneath it all, she was undeniably  _ his  _ child in so many ways. 

 

“My honor,” he said softly. “He’d done wrong to one of ---” Jamie paused. Claire had told Bree about Wentworth, about the strange quirk of fate that twisted his life around that of the Randalls, but he didn’t think she would have told Bree about Fergus’ assault and it was not his place to do so either. “—-my kin.” Jamie decided to say, his fists involuntarily clenching at his side. “I couldna allow that injury to go unanswered. And while I was meting out justice, I thought to exact my own vengeance as well.”

 

“Did it help?”  Brianna’s gentle inquiry broke through the red hot haze that temporarily blinded him. 

 

So much anguish in that beautiful face of hers. The bitter taste of Paris lingered over his family, still, even decades later. The truth was, nothing she did to the man who violated her would bring her peace.  That could only be attained by letting go of the resentment she harbored within-- not for  _ their  _ sake but for her own. She’d find her balance again, eventually, but that would only come-- could only come-- after years of diligent practice. 

 

“The one thing I ken for certain,  _ mo nighean _ , is that life is a gift and love the only currency that matters. You can spend your days and nights thinking about the wrongs done to you or about the precious blessings you’ve been given. That choice is yours alone to make. Dwelling in darkness -- that duel with Randall-- cost your mother and I  _ one _ daughter.  Learning forgiveness graced us with another.”  Jamie stroked Bree’s cheek. 

 

“Faith.” Brianna breathed the word and Jamie felt his heart squeeze painfully in his chest. 

 

“She was our yuletide miracle.” 

 

“But Mama told me she was born in May?” 

 

“Och, aye, but  _ conceived _ in an Abbey in France on Christmas.” Jamie smiled. “ _ St. Anne Debeaupré _ .” He told her. 

 

“An abbey?” Bree laughed. 

 

This was the first time she’d ever talked to Jamie about his relationship with her mother and Jamie could tell she was enjoying the novelty of it.  

 

Soon after settling in at the Ridge he’d noticed the way she watched them. He knew, she was trying to puzzle out the secret of the relationship he shared with her mother. Claire had, after all, given up her entire life in the twentieth century to be with him. Brianna, for her part, had seen first-hand what it was between them -- even in the smallest of touches, the briefest of glances. Tenderness and passion, desire and yearning. It gave her a sense of joy, knowing she had been born of such love.  And infinite sorrow at the thought of how her own child might have been created. 

 

“Isn’t that a little…” Bree waggled her eyebrows.

 

“Divine intervention, no doubt,”  he said, eyes twinkling. 

 

“I thought Faith was a preemie.” Noting his confusion, Bree clarified, “born too early. How do you  _ know  _ for sure that’s when Mama got pregnant?” 

 

Jamie could feel the heat of a blush creeping up his face and Brianna’s lips fell open in surprise, causing it to deepen to red from chest to ears.  

 

His hand reached out to hold hers and he stared down at their joined fingers. So like her mother’s, long and graceful. Capable of delicate work and ruthlessly strong.  

 

“I ken  _ precisely _ when each of our bairns was conceived. Perhaps it sounds daft to say, but within a couple days, I sensed a wee spark and after… it was as if two souls had become three. Mayhap, it was something in the way your mother moved or the soft glow that lit her from within with the two of ye. It was just… there and I kent we werena alone anymore.”  Jamie gave her an assessing look. “You’ll maybe ken what I mean yourself?” He felt her hand pull out of his and watched, as it gently caressed her abdomen. Their eyes met and she nodded, remembering the sharp pain that had awoken her in the middle of the night some three months before. Yes, she definitely understood. 

 

“Fergus told me you called us your  _ petites étoiles _ ?” His little stars. 

 

“Mmphm. No,” Jamie quirked up his lips in a little half smile. “ _You_ were my _petite étoile_. Your sister was _le_ _petit flocon de neige_ \- my wee snowflake.” Brianna pinked up at learning her father had a special name for each of them. 

 

“So Faith’s is a nativity story… what’s mine?” she wondered.  

 

“You,  _ mo nighean ruaidh _ , were a result of yer mother telling me all about  St. Valentine’s Day. A little whisky, a walk in the moonlight…” He smiled and kissed her forehead. He dipped his finger under her chin, wanting her to see the truth of it in his eyes. “Both you and your sister were lights of hope when your mother and I needed it the most. Even in the midst of despair, glory will rise up.  My bairns are the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given.” 

 

“How can you say that when you never even got a chance to hold your own children?”  

 

Jamie briefly closed his eyes at that. His heart melted and his mind flooded with the memory of that last desperate struggle. His need to get Claire back to the stones, to ensure the safety of this child… and with that remembrance, the understanding that it was his duty… his honor. No, his _ sacred vow _ to see this new one safe as well. For she cradled within her womb his  _ petit rêve, _  his little dream, and there was nothing in this world or the next that would harm them, now that he was near. Hand shaking, Jamie reached out and covered the one she was resting against her middle.

 

“Och,  _ mo nighean _ , there you are wrong. Each day as ye grew, I held you, spoke to you, loved you. Every moment I spent with the two of you was filled with love and possibility.”

 

“What if… what if the baby comes and I’m a terrible mother?” Jamie pulled her into the warm strength of his arms.

 

“You’ll be a wonderful mother, Bree. I know it… and dinna fash, whatever you dinna ken, ye'll learn.”  

 

Brianna pulled away from him, a smile tugging on her lips. 

 

“That’s exactly what Mama said.”

 

“Did she now?” Jamie gave her a huge Cheshire grin. He nodded toward the trail, where they could just catch sight of Clarence in the distance. “It’s what I told yer mother whenever she fretted over the same thing, and look how wonderfully that turned out.” He made a mental note to write to Jenny at once and ask her to send the apostle spoons.

 

Jamie watched as Claire came into view, the sunlight casting her hair in a halo of burnished ash, soft browns and grays.  He held back even when Clarence entered the barnyard, just enjoying the sight. His wife and child, with a grandbairn to come, all standing there in front of the snug little cabin he’d built for his family, never imagining he’d ever live to see such a day. 


End file.
